jabber_moose

When I found out we were going to be moving back in ’07, I was thrilled. Moving was something new, something I’d only read about. I’d lived in our house on the corner for 20 years, it was home, but moving…well…moving was new!  I had closed a chapter in my life when I finished high school, and I had overcome obstacles by attending colleges, managing a steady class and work load.

I had my friends, I was busy, and I was happy. Things were stressful at home, granted, with Dad out of work, and the struggle to clean the house and make it presentable.

And I’ll be honest. I felt more or less…indifferent to moving. It was just another thing that happened in my life. Oddly, only when I informed Bonnie, the supervisor over at the cat shelter I’d worked at for nearly 2 years about the move, is when I started to cry. But, like everything, it passed.

Don’t it always seem to go, that you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone?

I could kick myself. Nearly 3 years later, and I’m feeling the ache of homesickness.

Simple things, like having a yard, or neighbors. Taking a train to the city with friends. Dodging through Manhattan with my friend, Jose, taking in culture.

Broadway.

When I left NY, I was still a bit..socially inept. I hadn’t experienced friendships with people I hadn’t met on common ground…emotional issues. When I joined my Meetup group in AZ, I proved myself wrong. I could associate, even befriend strangers. Go out to dinners, movies and hold my own on a regular basis.

But…it made me realize other things, too. Other wonderfully simple/complex things.

How it felt to just relax and watch TV with someone at your side.

To watch in fond exasperation as someone dear to you acted in a way that made you want to hide your face in your hands, but couldn’t help but smile.

Don’t get me wrong…I’m proud as hell of myself to see how far I’ve come socially. Been able to complete 9 months of Veterinary Assisting class, and hold steady job for nearly a year so far.

To experience happiness, accomplishment, first crushes.

To experience a hangover

To gain so much, and lose someone so close to my heart forever-Grandma.

To struggle and succeed without complaint-Work.

To learn what it is to save, protect, love, and let go-B.

To experience agonizing pain, and push on a day later- Spraining my ankle

To stand on my own two feet, and learn to support myself.

To hold my own against an impossible situation- Dad.

To miss.

To want.

To accept the inevitable.

To reach (So they say) for the unreachable stars.

So, yes, I toast to me. To life. To my family.

Granted, I’ve grown.

Although, I’d like to come home, now.